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Cliché-ridden, Turgid, Repetitive, Dull and Uninspiring...but enough about me...

31/8/2012

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This week I decided, against my better judgement, to indulge in a little holiday reading.  I say, “…against my better judgement…”, since I find reading always stops me doing better things.  Anyway, I began this bloody great thick book.  (You’ll notice, throughout this piece, that I give neither the title of the book nor the name of the author so as not to colour any judgements you might form on reading it yourselves but if you’ve read it already, you may well guess what I’m talking about).
The story (or plot, I’m never sure which) was interesting enough to hold my attention and has done so for what my Kindle assures me is 73% of its mass, which when considers that in the non-e world it runs to over 800 pages, is not bad going for me.
Oh, there are plot holes you could drive a bus through but I can live with those and some of the characterisations give new meaning to the word “clichéd” but again, that’s not something terminal in this instance.  And I’m more than impressed with the extraordinary level of research that has gone into it.  So I suppose, I am, for want of a better word, enjoying it.
My problem with it is that (and here’s where I expect a number of my readers will leave me forever) I believe that I write better than this.

Pause whilst the room clears.

So why is the author of this book feted and wealthy and I (not to put too fine a point on it), am not?  The reason would appear to be obvious.  What I think is “good” writing is not necessarily what publishers and the paying public think is “good” writing.
Although writing is, of course, far more than just wordsmithery; and whilst I wouldn’t exactly call myself a champion of what is often pleased to call itself “Literary Fiction” (finding much of it pretentious almost –rather appropriately - beyond words) I do like stories to be well-written – that is with combinations of words that are elegant, pleasing, surprising, nuanced and evocative.  The writing in this well-received work is none of these things.  In fact, it is cliché-ridden, turgid, repetitive, dull and uninspiring; oh, and it contains some of the most juvenile and squirmingly embarrassing sex-scenes that I’ve ever encountered as well as a couple of truly appalling typos; not to mention that schoolboy howler: “The Book of Revelations” all of which should have been expunged at the editing stage.
And yet, I’m keen to find out what happens.  Am I just a snob who has seldom given books like this a chance?  Probably.  Am I going to change the way I write?  Probably not.  Am I ever going to be a success?  Not a hope.

3 Comments

Copy, right? Wrong. Cover Yourself (geddit!!??)

1/8/2012

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As many of you know, I have a thing about copyright.  So many new writers ignore it at their peril.  I just wrote this exchange into my latest story:
‘Thank you so much, Mr. Beasley,’ she said to him.  I hope you got what you wanted.’
‘We seldom get what we want,’ he told her. ‘But I think, as a friend of mine once said, we may have got what we need.’
This is, of course, a reference to a song by the Rolling Stones.  Now, Keith and Mick have not survived in the music industry by being free and easy with their lyrics.  Being "The Greatest Rock Band in the World", it is not unreasonable to expect The Rolling Stones to employ, if not the greatest, then certainly some of the most effective lawyers in the world. Anyone who is foolish enough to think they can get away with wholesale quotations from popular songs is deluding themselves into a very very damaging lawsuit.  As my usage is not a direct quote, I think I should get away with it but don't be surprised if when you read my wonderful new, exciting and darkly comic spy caper, "The Rothko Room", you do not come across even the above passing reference to "You Can't Always Get What You Want' (Copyright Jagger/Richards. 1969. All rights reserved).
The same goes for covers. The covers of both my published books comprise nothing but images created by my own fair hand. If anyone's interested, this is how I did it.  
Picture
This is the cover as it now appears (click to enlarge if need be) but since I possess only limited charm and modest funds, It was unlikely that I would be able to persuade someone to stand on the side of a mountain in the middle of the night whilst, a mile away, another willing volunteer skis away, leaving neat tracks in the pristine slopes.So how was it done? Well, the first thing to do was to raid my holiday snaps.


I took this photograph (1) about four years ago on the slopes of Diavolezza in Switzerland.  Since this is where part of the novel is set, I thought it apposite.  I snapped it just as a party of cross-country skiers had crested a high ridge. You will notice a distinct lack of a) the moon and b) a figure.  The sharp-eyed amongst you will notice that it appears to have been taken in daylight.  Well done. 
The first thing to do was to colorize it on PhotoShop(Copyright Adobe Systems 1989-2011) (2)
.  This is embarrassingly easy and creates instant night scenes.

Then I fished out another photo I'd taken high on the Julier Pass, again in Switzerland, of the full moon
This required rather more jiggery pokery to get the effect I wanted.(3) I had to enhance the moon enormously, cut it out and then insert it in a suitable place on my master sheet.(4) It still needed a bit more finessing since the altered moon had too much of an unreal appearnce.  I settled for somewhere between the two.

The next thing it needed was a figure.  In the story, the hero, David Benedict searches the mountains for his lost love (yes, I know; it's very moving) and so I needed a picture of him.  The main problem in getting him to pose for me was that he is merely a figment of my fevered imagination.  So I needed a stand-in. Again, my holiday snaps were enlisted.  I found a shot of a frozen lake in Silvaplana, south-west of St. Moritz which had been spoiled (not the lake, the picture) by a skier gliding into shot at just the wrong time. (5)  Of such serendipitous strands are our little lives fashioned.  With a bit of help from PhotoShop (Copyright, Adobe Systems 1989 - 2011) I was able to make a passable David Benedict, who I then inserted into the picture.  I added a suitable shadow and there it was. (6) All that was then needed was to crop the picture to a suitable paperback aspect ratio, add the text and that was it.
Now whether or not it's a good cover is debatable.  I happen to like it but that doesn't make it good.  I was told by someone in the business that it was too individual - ie:  in order to have impact, your cover should look as much like the cover of a book with a similar story as possible. 
I'm certain they are right.  If I was do it again, I might aim for an Ian Rankin/Val McDermid kind of feel, although "Head Count" is a more humourous work than that of either of those two authors.  I need to get my hands on a couple of good, darkly comic whodunnits and see what their publishers come up with.  





Picture
(1) Mountain ridge on Diavolezza
Picture
(2) Colorized
Picture
(3) Fiddling with the moon (Original on left)
Picture
(4) Moonrise on the mountain.
Picture
(5) Skier gets into shot
Picture
(6) Skier gets plopped onto mountainside.
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