You have to laugh. No, really; it’s the only possible response, for outrage would only lend the legislation a dignity it doesn’t deserve. Of course I’m talking about the proscribing of certain English words throughout the period of the Olympic Games - that nightmare of disruption that will, during the summer, make London an even more hideous place to be than it already is.
In fact I may already have broken the law by using the words Olympic, Games, London and Summer in the same sentence. Someone has actually sat down and decided that any two of the words: Games, Twenty-Twelve, Two Thousand and Twelve, even 2012, used together is an infringement of the law. Plus any word in the list above with one or more of the following words: London, medals, sponsors, summer, gold, silver or bronze.
Now, were you to associate my use of those words with the advertisements on other pages of this site (you know the ones for excellent works such as “Head Count”, a novel in which gold and the Olympic sport of skiing feature prominently and “The Circling Song”, a novella in which the Olympic sport of shooting is much in evidence and some of it is set in London… and in Summer), then I might bring down upon myself the full majesty of the law.
I realise the association is tangential but were I perhaps to suggest that if you are planning a trip to the summer games, you might wish to while away the hours of queuing in various places throughout the capital by reading my books, then I should not be surprised if the Home Secretary herself fetches up on my doorstep accompanied by the weary Plod, in order to deliver me my just desserts.
For it to be illegal for a pub to suggest that its punters might want to watch the Olympic Games on a TV in the bar, takes a mentality that has only a passing acquaintance with common sense. And to suggest that anyone might mistake the Olympic Café – run by a Greek chap in Stratford for a McDonalds beggars belief. For a start, the Olympic Café serves a very nice breakfast. And is staffed by people over fourteen.
I hear that the backlash is well under way and that LOCOG is coming under pressure not to throw its weight around too much. Nevertheless, a number of fines have already been levied.
Looking on the bright side, perhaps it will set a precedent. There are a number of words and associations I’d like to see subject to fines for misuse. “Ferment” for “foment being a favourite at the moment; “refute” for “rebut” being another; “less” for “fewer”, of course and “disinterested” for “uninterested”.
My current bugbear is “…once in a lifetime…” pertaining to anything to do with the Olympic Games.
Having foolishly trusted my Satellite Navigation device (other Tom-Toms are available) to get me home, I found myself caught up in the so called “Torch Relay” – another misnomer, since the torches themselves are not “relayed” they are held onto by their carriers (provided they can stump up 200 quid) and then presumably sold on e-bay. I floundered around for a while, unable to extricate myself from the melee and was finally led to safety by a police car through Tunbridge Wells, cheered on by thousands of people lining the streets, and was assured by the nice copper that although it was inconvenient, I couldn’t blame people because it was a “…once in a lifetime experience…” to witness such an event.
Well, it wasn’t. Had I been so inclined, I could have followed the wretched thing through a number of nearby locations throughout the next two days, making it a “several times in a lifetime” experience, at least. In fact, I’d go so far as to suggest that those for whom it was a “…once in a lifetime experience…’ were simply not trying.
Shame on them for their apathy.
In fact I may already have broken the law by using the words Olympic, Games, London and Summer in the same sentence. Someone has actually sat down and decided that any two of the words: Games, Twenty-Twelve, Two Thousand and Twelve, even 2012, used together is an infringement of the law. Plus any word in the list above with one or more of the following words: London, medals, sponsors, summer, gold, silver or bronze.
Now, were you to associate my use of those words with the advertisements on other pages of this site (you know the ones for excellent works such as “Head Count”, a novel in which gold and the Olympic sport of skiing feature prominently and “The Circling Song”, a novella in which the Olympic sport of shooting is much in evidence and some of it is set in London… and in Summer), then I might bring down upon myself the full majesty of the law.
I realise the association is tangential but were I perhaps to suggest that if you are planning a trip to the summer games, you might wish to while away the hours of queuing in various places throughout the capital by reading my books, then I should not be surprised if the Home Secretary herself fetches up on my doorstep accompanied by the weary Plod, in order to deliver me my just desserts.
For it to be illegal for a pub to suggest that its punters might want to watch the Olympic Games on a TV in the bar, takes a mentality that has only a passing acquaintance with common sense. And to suggest that anyone might mistake the Olympic Café – run by a Greek chap in Stratford for a McDonalds beggars belief. For a start, the Olympic Café serves a very nice breakfast. And is staffed by people over fourteen.
I hear that the backlash is well under way and that LOCOG is coming under pressure not to throw its weight around too much. Nevertheless, a number of fines have already been levied.
Looking on the bright side, perhaps it will set a precedent. There are a number of words and associations I’d like to see subject to fines for misuse. “Ferment” for “foment being a favourite at the moment; “refute” for “rebut” being another; “less” for “fewer”, of course and “disinterested” for “uninterested”.
My current bugbear is “…once in a lifetime…” pertaining to anything to do with the Olympic Games.
Having foolishly trusted my Satellite Navigation device (other Tom-Toms are available) to get me home, I found myself caught up in the so called “Torch Relay” – another misnomer, since the torches themselves are not “relayed” they are held onto by their carriers (provided they can stump up 200 quid) and then presumably sold on e-bay. I floundered around for a while, unable to extricate myself from the melee and was finally led to safety by a police car through Tunbridge Wells, cheered on by thousands of people lining the streets, and was assured by the nice copper that although it was inconvenient, I couldn’t blame people because it was a “…once in a lifetime experience…” to witness such an event.
Well, it wasn’t. Had I been so inclined, I could have followed the wretched thing through a number of nearby locations throughout the next two days, making it a “several times in a lifetime” experience, at least. In fact, I’d go so far as to suggest that those for whom it was a “…once in a lifetime experience…’ were simply not trying.
Shame on them for their apathy.
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