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The Lesser of Two Weevils

9/10/2011

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“He who would pun, would pick a pocket.” So chides Stephen Maturin in response to Jack Aubrey’s answer to a sea-failing question:  ‘Why is the shortest watch of the day called the Dog-watch?’ Aubrey is asked.  ‘Because it is “cur-tailed!’ he responds with glee.

Do other nationalities love puns as much as the British, I wonder?  Surely they must, for playing with language is one of the great joys afforded to us. I remember a recent one on “Have I Got News For You” that centred around a question about new flavours for instant snacks.  One panellist offered, “Not Poodle”.  Alright, more of a Spoonerism than a pun, I’ll grant you but none the worse for that.  Writers and critics can sometimes treat punning as one of less creditable of the comedic arts and the way puns are constructed and delivered – often with contrived and tortuous build-ups – causes one to believe that even the perpetrators are a little ashamed. 

However, I think one of the more legitimate aspects of the “art” can be found in the press.

Newsprint journalists, particularly sub-editors, are of course fond of puns. Who can forget headlines like: “How Do You Solve A Problem Like Korea?” from The Sun or “Di Ran. A Sore Arse Rex” and my own favourite from The Daily Sport on the murder of John Galliano: “Shoots You, Sir”?  But whilst such puns are fairly easy to devise in print, radio and TV journalists have a rather harder time of it but they will sometimes engage in this little act of self-indulgence, although usually not in an overt way.  Indeed, the puns are extremely subtle (unlike some of the forced but often very funny puns thrown about on comedy shows) and intentionally so, one suspects because BBC management frowns upon such flippancy in news broadcasts.  (I was surprised to hear nice one slip through in a recent serious documentary on racial intermarriage.  It was along the lines of “…Britainnia waived the rules in this case…”) 

Obviously, if the story is not one of great import the reporter may well go a little over the top. In an item about councils planning to build on allotments, there were mentions of “plots”, of “raking over past injustices” and the council “reaping what it’s sown” but the fact that so many dare to insert them in sometimes very serious reports is really quite impressive.

In the nature of these things, it is often difficult to remember them but I got to the stage when I would listen out for them in reports about Gordon Brown, former Prime Minister, a man enormously disliked by the media.  Having lost an eye as a result of a rugby injury as a boy, Brown was often the butt of puns. From the Prime Minister having “…taken his eye of the ball…” to promising to “…keep an eye on the situation…”, even “…turning a blind eye…” reporters had great fun with a man’s disability.

Another, less deplorable instance I can recall is when, during the BP oil-spill incident, the oil company boss Tony Hayward was described as giving “…a slick performance…” at one press interview.

But somehow, the best are the unintentional ones, like this from the Brekhamstead Herald:

 

Mr Clinton persuaded his old school chum Colin Bucoke to go to the police after he visited Mr. Clinton’s home and asked for help in disposing of the dismembered body. Mrs. Clinton told The Herald that the experience had deeply shocked her husband. “I’ve never seen a man so cut up like he was”.

Any puns seen or heard will be gratefully received.

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