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Will You Still Respect Me In The Morning?

25/3/2012

3 Comments

 
If you are reading this, then the chances are that I've done something that I find extremely difficult almost to the point of anathema. I'm talking about self promotion.  You see, my problem is that I never read the small print.  And before you get smug, neither do you.  Think of the times when a dialog box pops up and asks whether or not you agree to abide by the terms and conditions before you download or activate something.  Do you read it before you click?  Of course you don’t.  And who can blame you?  I understand that some of the things that we all agree to and click upon with gay abandon regularly run to over 20,000 words.  One even weighed in at over 70,000.  My own opinion is that should push come to shove, there isn’t a court in the land that would accept that having to read the equivalent of a short novel before being allowed to proceed with a download, is reasonable but it does provide one with an insight into the mind of the corporate lawyer.
Recently, I agreed to one of my books going onto Amazon’s KDP select.  I had been told that this was an excellent way of promoting it.  All I had to do was to allow the sole downloading rights to Kindle for one month and in return, I would receive a promotional package.  After about three weeks, during which absolutely nothing happened, I checked up.  No increase in sales, no evidence of promotion.  The bastards!  It had all been a lie.
Except it hadn’t.  For whilst I was scouring the small print, I realised that in order for the “promotional event” to take place, I had to offer my book for free for five days.  This seemed utterly unreasonable but I decided to bite the bullet.  I only had about ten days left so I let it go on the free list for five of them.
Then a strange thing happened.  People began downloading it.  By the end of the five days, I had notched up over 500 downloads.  I happened to mention this to my family who instead of being happy for me, duly set about me with some vigour.  Their comments were all  variations on the theme of:  ‘You put your book into a free promotion for five days and you didn’t tell anyone?  Are you mental?’
Well, sadly, when it comes to promoting myself, I think I probably am.  They reminded me of a friend of ours, a successful writer, who at his annual New Year Party, actually had his latest book on sale.  Next to the drinks table. I remembered telling him that he was a tart and ought to be ashamed.  I also remembered that he waved a wad of tenners at me and said 'Yes, the burden of shame is intolerable.'
 

3 Comments
michelle
25/3/2012 08:34:54 am

This is fun! Thanks!

Reply
Mike Church link
25/3/2012 01:33:39 pm

Something similar happens to me, Russell, with KPD. Hopefully some of those free downloaders will tell the world what a wonderful writer you are. By the way, if you read the conditions carefully, I think you'll find it's three months, not one. Ha ha!

Reply
Reggie
3/4/2012 04:15:09 pm

Three months?
That's a bit harsh isn't it?
Whatever, I never read small print either, I know I should really but it's mostly too much for my presbyoptic eyeballs and I never carry my reading glasses around with me... DOH!!
Nice post Russ, as ever mate. Good luck with the KDP.

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